Cancer - Round 2 - Updates

Went in early for surgery last Tuesday, February 18th. Checked in at 6:00am and surgery started at 8:00am. Surgery went well with no complications. Dr. Byrum ended up taking more tissue and skin than expected just to be on the safe side, which I am happy with. She had to put in a drain, which I was not happy about, but it was such a small drain line that it didn't end up having drainage, so I had to have it removed on Thursday. That was not fun. I ended up almost fainting when the drainage came out, but it was good that I went in because it could have caused an infection. I am healing and recovering well.

I met with my doctors yesterday and went over pathology results from surgery. Everything on surgery standpoint looks good and margins are clear. The actual cancerous mass was 6mm, so pretty small. The doctors determined from surgery results that this cancer is a new cancer cells, not related to the original cancer I had. They want to run more tests on it before we determine a set treatment plan. For sure I need to undergo radiation, which would be the last step. The chemotherapy they are talking about is a very hard chemo and will most likely make me unfertile, so they want to get more test results before we make the big decision. It takes about 3 weeks for the results to come back, so for now I have to wait. There are 3 brackets the results will come back in, if it's in the top 2 brackets, there's no doubt I need to do this chemo. If it's in the lower bracket, it's still questionable and we will discuss options then. I am very torn. I don't want to become unfertile along with other risks that are involved, but at the same time, it's scary thinking if I don't do chemo and find out later I should have. I definately need to do a lot of praying and thinking in the next few weeks. Today we are meeting with my fertility doctor to discuss possibly doing another egg retrieval and embryo freeze.

Thanks for all the prayers. Even though this is all crazy, I am feeling loved by my friends and family, and my Heavenly Father. I've had a few people mention to me that they were angry when they found out I got cancer again, and I really don't want people feeling that way. Everyone is fighting a hard battle whether it be health, sickness, marriage problems, divorce, depression, heartache, loss of family, anger, anxiety, addiction, and many others. But all of those trials have something in common, growth and a way to exercise your faith. Also a way to depend 100% on your testimony and build your relationship with God and Christ. I try to look at it as a way to grow and learn more than I did the last time around, and I already feel like I am. I've still got a lot to learn about life, love, forgiveness, service, Christ, the atonement, and our eternal purpose in this life. I love you all and I thank you for all your love and kindness you've shown me. I receive much of my strenth and hope from you and I hope I can return the favor one day.

Just a few blessings and tender mercies I've experienced and recognized so far:

I have felt soooooooooooo much love from my friends and family. Sometimes it's easy to forget until we go through trials and it's a good reminder.

I am so blessed to have Kaydence during this trial. It would be so much harder to go through this realizing I haven't been able to bear one of my children on my own. God truly blessed me to experience child birth and breast feeding before this trial, and that is a huge tender mercy. I would feel so much more robbed by not being able to ever experience that, so I have those wonderful memories to keep close and dear to my heart. 

I am so incredibly grateful for a kind, loving, supportive, worthy priesthood holder, husband to have during this trial. I couldn't be as strong as I am with him. We are a team and we are fighting this battle together. It's so comforting to have someone at your side 24/7.

A couple of my family members have offered to be my surrogate mothers for my future children. Thinking about it makes me tear up. That is one of the most selfless and Christlike acts someone can do for a mother in this life. Words cannot express how grateful I am for them. It's so exciting having such a blessing to look forward to.

My little brother is getting married in about a week and a half, so I will get to go to the wedding chemo free and with hair!

Going through such trials help me recognize how much Christ loved me to atone and die for my sins. It's hard to always remember it during regular life, but as soon as you experience a life threatening trial, it is a huge reminder of the sacrifice he has suffered for each and every one of his brothers and sisters.