Thoughts on Marriage // Deliteful Thoughts

As most of you know, my middle name is Delite so thought I'd make a new series up on the blog called Deliteful Thoughts that is filled with some of my random thoughts. 

Sometimes marriage is like riding a roller coaster. There are times we are high and enjoying the ride, while there are other times we are puking our guts out. Sometimes marriage may seem like it's not worth trying anymore or it's easier not to work out a problem at the time, but in the long run it's SOOOOO worth it. Tanner and I have had and still have our share of struggles, but we have made so many changes and have learned so much in the past 9 years of marriage. We are still learning what this whole "marriage business" is about, but what I've found is that marriage gets better and better with time, as long as you put in the hard work and keep yourself together through the "puking" moments of the ride. 

Divorce is rampant in the world today. Many times people see it as an easy out and don't take marriage as serious as they did in our grandparents generation. That generation was a time where if you had something that was broken, they would find every possible way to fix it, not throw it away. One of the problems in society today that is adding to the divorce rate is marriage comparison. With the digital age, social media is huge and paints a picture of a perfect marriage. Often times those we are comparing our marriage to are dealing with a huge marriage stuggle themselves, we just don't see it because all we see on social media is "look how amazing my life/husband/marriage is" and can only see their highlights. So with this comparison, it makes the choice for divorce so much easier by having a super unrealistic expectation about how your life should be. Not that it can't have the amazing times, but it will also be filled with struggles no matter who you are married to. It is how we decide to handle and deal with these struggles that determines how happy of a marriage we have. I have many friends and family that have been in the unfortunate boat of divorce and my heart breaks daily for them. Often times there is one of the two that give up and it makes it hard to keep going if one gives up. I would love to live in a world where there is no option for divorce. So many couples would find that it is possible to make a happy marriage out of what their marriage has crumbled into, they  just have to try everything to make things work.

Tanner and I have learned so many things over the years:

I've learned to try to be less sensitive to things, while he has learned to be more sensitive to my feelings. 

He's learned to be less stubborn, while I've learned not to force him into things. 

I've learned to show more love through actions, while he's learned to show more love through words.

I've learned to put him first, while he's learned to put me first.  

We've both learned what each other love and what makes each other happy. 

We've learned and promised to always be honest with each other.

He's learned never to let me go to bed angry, while I've learned not to give the silent treatment.

I've learned that food speaks to his heart, while he has learned that love notes speak to my heart. 

I've learned to always communicate with him before making plans, while he has learned to always communicate with me...period. 

We have both learned to say "I love you" at least once daily and never leave each other without a kiss. 

We have come to a great medium and I've learned it makes a huge difference when you humble yourself and try to find the changes you need, rather than changes your spouse needs. I can honestly say I am so happy where we are at. We've never been happier and I know it's because we are putting Christ and God first in our home. We've made a promise to keep our strong love going and never give up even when we are old and grouchy. Many people say marriage gets harder and less romantic over time, but I like to believe it doesn't have to be that way. People that don't have that sweet love may just not be putting in as much effort as they did while they were dating or first married. We are determined to endure to the end and keep our love alive. It's been nine years of a lot of hard work, but it sure is paying off.