Home and Healing

Just a few updates. 

Surgery day, which was August 1st, I had to wake up super early, but it didn't really matter that much anyways because I couldn't sleep that well. We had to leave at 5:45 am to be checked in at 6:00am. Before we left, we had a prayer to bring me strength and comfort before surgery and also to bless that during surgery the lymph nodes would come back clean. If they didn't, they would have to remove all my lymph nodes, which would most likely cause me to have lymphoma the rest of my life. I knew it was possible if I had enough faith, so that is one thing I kept praying about. So when we got there, I checked in and they started getting me prepped for surgery. For testing the lymph nodes during surgery, I had to get radioactive dye injected into each side, which meant 4 shots in each side before putting me out. Of course I got all anxious when they told me that because I wasn't expecting it while I was awake, but luckily the nurse administering them was very good and finished very quickly. Next I needed my IV and of course they had a hard time again. I have the worst luck with IV's, but they said it's probably because I was fasting and since they have to use a large needle, but they make it work. Whew! We were all ready for surgery to start and we got a picture taken right as I was getting the "happy juice" and that is the last thing I remember. According to Tanner, I was responding as they moved by bed into the surgery room, and he gave me one last kiss and wished me luck. The surgery started around 8:45am.

 Surgery was approximately 8 hours and I was brought into the recovery room around 4:30 or so. It was the weirdest feeling waking up. It literally felt like I was sleeping for 10 minutes and I didn't even think they had started yet. As I was waking up I heard nurses saying "poor thing, she's sweating like crazy. Let's take off these blankets". My doctor then came in and told me that surgery went very well and that they removed a couple lymph nodes from each side and tested them during surgery and both sides came back clean, which was exactly what I was praying for. Heavenly Father is answering each and every prayer I have. The next minute, I fell asleep again and kept going in and out. It was so hard to stay awake. I then saw Tanner and his mom that was there for him every step of the way during my surgery. I was so happy and relieved to see them. For the rest of the evening, my whole family visited and my sister in law Rachel brought Kaydence to the hospital. She was so sweet and I wanted to hold her so bad, but I really couldn't. I feel so bad that I was sleeping most of the time while my visitors came by, but it really felt so good to have so many people caring for me. My sister brought me balloons and lots of healthy goodies along with a card from the family. My sister in law brought her famous white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. I didn't have any, but I'm glad my guests were able to indulge :) The whole surgery day and after has been such a blur, but I'm glad Tanner was able to stay the night with me there. He had the crappiest bed, but he was willing to sacrifice for me. Also it was so nice of my mom and sister in law to have Kaydence stay the night with them. I know how bad of a sleeper Kaydence is, so I know it was a sacrifice, but it really helped me out being able to have Tanner there for me. 

I was discharged from the hospital yesterday afternoon. I was somewhat nervous to be discharged because I feel so helpless and can't do much at all, but before I got discharged, Tanner took me on several walks. It takes a lot of energy, but it gets a little easier each time. The pain is only in the chest and armpit area, but it's pretty intense. Even taking all the drugs I was prescribed, it still is painful, but it's bearable. Every day has gotten a little bit better. I am just very fatigued most of the time. 

Yesterday, this is what I came home to:

My sweet little sister and her fiance made this cute little welcome home sign and cleaned my house. It was spotless. That is the best feeling to come home to a clean house. And then to see Kaydence was the happiest feeling in the world. It's so amazing how sweet and helpful Kaydence has been to me. She has seen how Tanner is treating me and she does exactly what he does. She asks me "do you need help mommy", "you thirsty mommy?", and then whenever I am getting up, she grabs the back of my legs helping me get up. She is such a sweetie. Last night was the first night I felt like I was able to sleep decent. Tanner has been so good to me. He is my own personal nurse, my psychologist, my back scratcher, my masseuse, my husband, my everything. He has made this whole experience so much easier by being there for me throughout everything thus far. I am so proud of him how strong he has been through this. I am very blessed. 

So the timeline from now is another round of egg retrieval surgery. We already did one round of the egg retrieval surgery and were so blessed to get one healthy frozen embryo. We went the safe route with no hormones, so this second round we are doing the lowest dosage possible of the hormones, since the cancer is cut off my body. Normally I would do the injections myself everyday until the surgery, but I would probably faint and same with Tanner, so my good friend Callie is doing them for me every night. She is a pro and I don't even feel it. She is that good. Egg retrieval surgery will probably be in the next week or so. We go in every other day to do blood work and ultrasound. We are hoping to get a couple more healthy frozen embryos, but again, we are happy with what we get. Then in about 3 or 4 weeks from now, I will start chemotherapy, which will last about 6 months. Radiation is still up in the air. We won't know for sure if we have to do radiation until we get the pathology results back from the surgery, but they've told us it's a very high chance I will need radiation. Despite how high it is to do radiation, we are also praying that we don't have to do radiation unless it's completely necessary because it can complicate the reconstruction process, but the plastic surgeon says it will work out either way, it just is less complicated without radiation. We won't do reconstruction until after chemo and radiation (if needed), but they did put in expanders to keep in during chemo to help expand the skin. 

So that's where we are for now. I'm glad that we have already climbed one big mountain, now I've just got few more mountains to climb, but I will get past them. Thanks for the prayers and the love. Your love and positive words really have helped me find my inner strength that I need to help me get through this.